Take Me Out To The Black
by Ultrawoman
Summary: One-shot. Alec Hardison gets a bump on the head and wakes up deep in the blackness of the 'verse... and he's far from alone!  This is just a plot bunny that wouldn't go away til I wrote the story. Crossing-over two of my fave shows - how could I not?


**A/N: So I wrote this a while ago but wasn't sure it was good enough to post. Found it on my comp today and thought I'd go ahead and share - don't judge too harshly, peops, its just a crazy plot bunny! lol**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Leverage or Firefly - no copyright infringemen tintended.**_

Take Me Out To The Black

Nobody could've apportioned blame for what happened, even Hardison knew that. One minute they were running, making their escape, then suddenly there was a yell and he stopped to look up. Parker and Eliot cleared the doors, looking back from their position of freedom to see their friend take a glancing blow to the head from a loose vent cover in the ceiling. Darkness came immediately, and the hacker dropped like a felled tree...

There was a throbbing in Hardison's head that was almost audible, like a drum beat booming against the inside of his skull. Still, the blackness was clearing, light filtering in as his eyes flickered open. A little light soon became too much and his arm shot up to shield his eyes from the glaring search-light that seemed to be over his head.

"Hey, it's okay" said a voice that was vaguely familiar, as the light was moved away some and a man's face came into view, "How're you feeling?" he asked, as Hardison tried to focus, and then quickly wished he hadn't.

"How am I...? I don't... What the hell is goin' on here?" he asked, sitting up fast and regretting it immediately as his head swam violently.

"It's okay, you took a blow to the head, but you're going to be fine" the dark-haired man in front of him tried to explain, his hands held up in semi-surrender or possibly a calming motion, Hardison couldn't be sure, "You do remember where you are, don't you? Or maybe we should start simple, your name perhaps?" he suggested.

"Man, I Alec Hardison and I know this is some kind of joke 'cause... 'cause I can't really be here" he said, eyes flitting left and right as he almost turned completely around (or as much as he was able to on the bed) checking out his surroundings that bore the most uncanny resemblance to the infirmary aboard... "Serenity" he breathed, much to the apparent relief of the young man before him.

"Good, that's good" he nodded, smiling widely, "You know _who_ you are, _where_ you are..."

"You're Simon Tam" said Hardison, pointing a finger at the doctor as if he was accusing him of something.

"...and you know who _I_ am. Excellent" he nodded again, "Well, that probably means no lasting damage, but we should run a few more tests..." he said as he moved to the side counter and picked up his stethoscope.

"No!" Hardison snapped, on his feet in a second and fighting the nausea and dizziness that hit him just the second he hit the ground, "I mean, nah, man, that's cool" he said, trying to sound more reasonable when Simon spun around to look at him with surprise and some alarm, "I just... I'm okay" he promised with a thumbs up as he walked carefully out of the door.

It was all so real, the metal of the ship was cold against his palms, the smells from the kitchen just as crotch-like as Jayne Cobb had once described. Everything Hardison could recall from every episode of Firefly repeatedly and meticulously watched, it was all here and all so very real. It had to be a dream, and yet...

"Hey, looks like the patient is feeling better" said Nate from his place at the table just a soon as Hardison came through the door.

"Told ya the boy had a thick skull, ain't that right, Hardison?" Mal grinned at his own joke until he realised the guy before him wasn't laughing, "'Course you do still look a might dazed"

"I'm fine" the hacker waved his hand in a 'no worries' motion, and the two men plus Zoe soon returned to their game of cards without concern.

Of course, Hardison was actually feeling even more freaked now than when he first woke up in this place. Nate was here, and acting like playing Tall Card with Captain Malcolm Reynolds and his second Zoe Washburn, on a _spaceship_, was just the most normal thing in the world. That had a brother wondering if he was about to find the rest of his team mixed up with the crew of Serenity, which it seemed he was very definitely aboard somehow. First thing was first though, now he was sure of where he was, he kinda wanted to know _when_ he was.

"Not so much of a smooth journey today" he said, "I mean, who we got flyin' this thing?" he added, watching Mal's expression barely shift but Zoe's eyes noticeably darken - that already told him what was coming before the Captain ever spoke.

"You don't like the ride, Hardison, you're welcome to take that up with my Lil' Albatross, anytime" the Captain said easily, his eyes never leaving his cards as he upped the ante against Nate, "but you end up back under doctor's orders with a worse bump on the head that you already had today, don't come cryin' to me, dong ma?" he said, sparing the younger man a brief glance before going back to his game.

"Understood" Hardison nodded once before staggering a little as he moved through the room and out the other door.

Now he knew when he'd popped into this place, sometime after the whole series of Firefly plus the movie, Serenity. River was flying the ship, meaning both Wash and Book were already dead. Kinda sucked, 'cause he had some deep respect for the man who's real handle was Hoban Washburne. Guy was a legend, fashion sense not withstanding, and he had landed the hotter than hot Amazon woman that was Zoe, which bought the guy a whole truckload of respect in Hardison's book.

Of course, River was as hot as Zoe and she kicked ass in a whole different way that certainly thrilled Hardison when he watched her through a TV screen. Up close and personal was a whole other deal, and right now in his woozy state, the hacker wasn't quite ready for a mind-reading, Reaver-killing, ballet dancing little woman to be on his ass. Steering clear of the bridge, he instead chose to take the stairs down to the cargo bay.

Half way down, he started to hear voices he recognised and then spotted faces he knew. Over in the corner, Jayne was not lifting weights but spotting another guy on the bench. Straight away the hacker recognised his good buddy Eliot, bench pressing the equivolant of a couple of people on either end of the bar, he was sure of it. Across the way sat two young women, half-watching the men as they worked up a sweat, talking and giggling about something and nothing, Hardison suspected.

A strange sort of smile came to his lips as he cleared the bottom step, loving the fact that here in this crazy messed-up dreamscape, Parker had found a little friend in the form of the ship's mechanic, Kaylee. The pair abandoned their conversation the minute they realised he was there.

"Hey, how's the head, Hardison?" asked the little mechanic as she dropped down off the crates she'd been perched on.

"Oh, it's, er..." he began to answer, only to have Parker interrupt.

"Ugly" she stated plainly as she came over to examine him, staring hard at the spot above the hacker's right eye, "Red and lumpy" she said, reaching out to poke him.

Hardison recoiled before she made contact, mindful of the pain she was likely to cause.

"Aaw, hell, no!" he exclaimed, "No pokin' this patient" he told her definitely, batting her hands away.

As if he wasn't confused enough landing here on a spaceship he was sure shouldn't exist, with a knock on the head, and a whole bunch of people that were both fictional and real. Last thing he needed was added pain.

"Gorram idiot!" exclaimed Jayne so suddenly it made Hardison jump, "First time I hear lil' Parker offerin' up nursin', and you're sayin' no?" he said with a leer, "Y'know, I wouldn't never turn ya down, darlin'" he winked at her.

"Eeew" stated Parker and Kaylee in unison, forcing Eliot to place the bar back on the stand as he laughed.

"You got a way with women I'll never understand, Jayne" he chuckled heartily, done with his exercise now apparently as he got up from the bench.

"Like you're such a fine gentleman and all" his fellow merc sneered, with little genuine malice in his voice.

Hardison watched the back-and-forth with amusement as well as confusion, feeling a little dizzy as his eyes switched from one muscle-man to the other too many times. He looked on as Eliot shot a smirk in Jayne's direction, before turning his attention to the girls.

"How about after I shower, you ladies join me in the galley and we'll cook us all somethin' nice together?" he suggested, pushing his hair out of his face as he smiled at Parker and Kaylee both.

"Hmm, dirty sex with Jayne or a hot cooking lesson with Eliot?" Parker faked a thoughtful expression, "Like that's even a decision!" she rolled her eyes, following the hitter out of the cargo bay with a grin.

"Aaw, don't be sore Jayne" Kaylee laughed, patting the merc on the arm in a friendly gesture, even as he growled.

"Ain't bothered none by those too faking doe eyes" he insisted, "Just lost my spotter is all" he complained eyeing the weight bench.

Hardison had a bad feeling he knew what came next and backed up a step, though it did no good.

"Well, Hardison'll help you out" Kaylee said cheerily, ever the Little Miss Fix It in all things.

The hacker himself was about to protest when Jayne let out a long loud rumbling chuckle of laugher. That actually stung a little from where Hardison was standing!

"Hell, that's the funniest thing I heard in years!" Jayne roared, practically bent double with the force of his own laughter, "I got more chance o' Moony liftin' this weight offa me than this _wo nong bao_" he told Kaylee, jerking a thumb back at the hacker, "Hell, the Doc'd do a better job" he continued to laugh loudly as he staggered off out of the door, just as the Captain's voice came over the comm.

"Kaylee? I need you in the engine room" he told her as she moved to answer, "River's tellin' me she's feelin' a might too many bumps. Might wanna run some checks back there"

"I'm on it, Cap'n" the mechanic duly replied as she hurried away, "Glad to know you're feelin' better, Hardison" she called over her shoulder and then she was gone.

Alone in the cargo bay of Serenity, Hardison turned two full circles, trying to get his bearings. This place was every kind of crazy and impossible, and yet here he was on the Firefly class spaceship he knew so well from TV, with all of its post-movie crew, and his own team getting along as if they belonged. The only two missing were...

"And I said, at that price, mate, you're lucky I even looked at it!" said a slightly less than refined Englsh accent, followed by twin bursts of female laughter that had Hardison looking up onto the catwalk.

There he saw Sophie, arm in arm with Inara Serra, about to descend the stairs towards him.

"Alec, here you are" the Companion greeted him with a smile, as she and the grifter (both similarly dressed in kimono-style dresses) made their way down to join him in the cargo bay.

"Yep, here I am" he replied a little warily, "You two, er... You were looking for me?" he asked, clearing his throat as the pair of women continued to smile at him almost too much.

"Well, of course" said Sophie, "We heard about your injury the minute we docked, and you know we were worried" she said kindly, "But now I see you're fine, I really ought to go and find Nate, make sure he's not lost all his money yet" she sighed then, looking back up the way she had come with an exasperated expression, that soon shifted to a wicked grin, "but I'm sure Inara here will take care of you"

With that she swept away in a a flurry of red silk, with Hardison staring after her, at least until slim fingers crept onto his shoulder. The hacker turned around so fast he almost knocked himself over, coming very closely face to face with Inara Serra once again.

"You must be so confused after your ordeal" she said kindly, giving way to seductively as she leaned in to him, "You should really let me take care of you, Alec" she told him, circling around him like a prowling tigress, her hands running across his back as she moved.

"Woah, okay" he said, raising his hands in some kind of surrender as she appeared in front of him again, "I don't... I mean it's cool, because honestly, you are... well you know how hot and all that you are, and I don't wanna argue with you or nothin'..."

"Then don't" she interrupted with a smile as she grasped the front of his T-shirt and pulled him to her, ruby red lips almost touching his own when...

Hardison came to with a gasp as something struck him across the face - hard.

"Damn it, Parker!" Eliot yelled, "I told you not to slap him!" he reminded her angrily, "That's for hysterics not when a person's unconscious"

"It worked, didn't it? she replied smartly, going so far as to stick out her tongue in defiance, as a baffled Hardison stared up at them.

The hacker slowly realised he was lying on the couch in Nate's apartment, surrounded by his team. He felt somewhat relieved to note this was what passed for the real world and not the out of whack, space crazy, alternate reality he had visited just moments before.

"How're you feeling, Hardison?" asked Nate, leaning over the back of the couch as the younger man slowly sat himself up.

"Er... yeah" he said slowly, reaching up and feeling the sticking plaster up by his hairline, "I mean, it's cool, I just..."

"You just, what?" Eliot prompted when the hacker went quiet, stood there with his arms folded across his chest like he often did.

Hardison's mind whirled with memories of what had to have been a delusions or a dream or something, because it couldn't have been real, no matter how much it had seemed like it was at the time. Eliot bench pressing the weight of a couple of people with Jayne Cobb spotting him. Nate playing cards with Captain Mal and Zoe. Parker giggling like the crazy girl she was with little Kaylee Frye, and Sophie playing her latest role as a Companion alongside the very hot Inara Serra.

"I hate to go all Dorothy on ya" he said then, eyes focusing on nothing to begin with then on each of their faces, "but I just had the weirdest dream, and you were there" he said, pointing at Eliot, "and you" he moved onto Parker, "All of you" he said as he put a hand to his forehead feeling entirely dazed and confused.

"Okay" said Nate extending the word out, "Well, maybe you should rest up some more, while me and Sophie go downstairs and meet with this new client" he said with a pointed look at the hitter and thief, "I'm sure Eliot and Parker can keep an eye on you"

"He's a doctor" the grifter said with delight, as she spoke of the newest potential client for the Leverage team.

Parker in particular didn't seem to get why that mattered at all.

"Yeah, with a missing sister, not a need for a date" said Eliot pointedly as he dropped down into the armchair.

"Spoilsport" Sophie complained as she followed Nate to the door.

Hardison was trying to ignore all this, but found it impossible as the cogs in his head started to turn too fast. A doctor with a missing sister? It had to be one of those weird coincidence, surely.

"And people call me weird" said Parker as she sat herself down in the other chair and pushed a file on the coffee table in Eliot's direction, "What kind of a name for a girl is River anyway?"

At the sound of those words, Hardison's head hit the cushions once again with a thud - out cold in a dead faint - the blackness taking him over again.

The End


End file.
